Widower celebrates, memorializes wife in book | Maryland Gazette (HometownGlenBurnie.com)

By 2000, Sara Ostrom had enough health problems - cancer, a broken pelvis, severe headaches - for him to worry about.

But when she couldn't remember moving away from her home in Alabama or where her parents moved, Dr. Ostrom, a retired clinical psychologist, became concerned. She was taken to her doctor and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.

For the next several years, Dr. Ostrom cared for his wife, a woman whose career as a speech therapist earned her commendations from the state, county and U.S. Congress. He enlisted the help of an aide, and later, Hospice of the Chesapeake, to help with her daily needs.

He began to keep a journal on and off until her death on Aug. 15, 2005, one day before their 50th wedding anniversary.

Portions of the journal are published in Dr. Ostrom's new book, "Sara's Story and the Impact of Alzheimer's: The Celebration of a Productive Life." The book is part journal, part love story and part advice for anyone who has become the caregiver of a loved one.

"I don't think she ever really knew she had Alzheimer's, it was like it didn't register for her," Dr. Ostrom said. "She would ask you a question, you would answer her and it wouldn't be five minutes before she asked the same question again. (Later), it was a matter of 30 seconds before she asked the same question again.

Through the years, it was love that sustained that relationship to the very end."

The task of writing can be therapeutic for people who find themselves in the caregiving role. Pam Cullen operates a support group for caregivers through the Department of Aging and Disabilities and often encourages participants to keep journals, write letters or play word-building games.

"It's important because it helps people get in touch with their feelings," Ms. Cullen said. "Suddenly, you get thrown into that (caregiving) role. No one asks for it. You get caught up in caregiving and forget to take care of yourself."

Mrs. Ostrom was born Sara Jo Willingham in 1929 in Parrish, Ala., to a family of merchants. She attended the University of Alabama and majored briefly in radio arts, but she switched to speech therapy and kept radio as a minor. She earned a degree in speech pathology and accepted a job in Memphis to work with the Council of Jewish Women's Speech Correction Clinic as a speech therapist.

She eventually accepted a job as a speech therapist with Arlington County Schools in Virginia. During that time, she worked with students with cerebral palsy, cleft palates and hearing loss, to help them speak better. In May of 1954, The Washington Star did a feature article about Mrs. Ostrom's teaching method. At the time, she was using a potato and nick-knacks to help students identify sounds that they needed to practice. The article's headline - Potato Head Helps Students at Arlington in Speech Trouble - caused quite a bit of kidding from her colleagues, according to the book.

She met Dr. Ostrom while they were both taking an evening class at George Washington University. He said he made every effort to sit next to her and they began dating, despite the protestations from her roommate. They married in 1955. His work took them to Nebraska and Kansas, before they settled in Anne Arundel County. They had two daughters who continue to live in the state.

After Mrs. Ostrom was diagnosed, Dr. Ostrom said he decided to keep her at home. They moved from their home in Crownsville to Heritage Harbour, so Mrs. Ostrom could live in a space without many stairways. He also mentions having to run the household by himself, paying bills, doing laundry and other chores.

"I'd like to see people benefit (from the book) in terms of (understanding) the impact of Alzheimer's and have a greater understanding of what it is to be a caregiver," Dr. Ostrom said. "For one person to be designated as a caregiver, you really can't do it on your own. You need help."

The book also recounts the hardest days, when he had to repeat Mrs. Ostrom's past to her because she didn't remember it, when she had trouble handling food and her difficulty sleeping.

"There are times when the thought of Sara's passing suggests relief to me. It would likely be a relief to her," Dr. Ostrom wrote in a letter to a friend that is recounted in the book. "However, I would miss my moments with her so terribly that I want to prolong her life ... Such a dilemma - such ambivalence!"

In the book's afterword, Dr. Ostrom said he has since met another woman and is engaged to be married. His pastor told him that his desire to remarry reflected the fact that he and Mrs. Ostrom had a happy and fulfilling relationship.

"I am clear in my mind that my fiancee is not a substitute for Sara," Dr. Ostrom wrote. "Sara hasn't been replaced. My new love is a second love, meaning that the two loves stand alone. Sara is not forgotten. She still has a place in my mind and heart but my new love has an equal share of me. I feel blessed."